I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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