R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
