I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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