Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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