I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
