dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
