My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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