I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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