Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
