I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
