She is in my trunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
