this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
