You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
