I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
