Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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