i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drake has all the answers
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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