I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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