I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
