as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
