You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
