Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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