she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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