If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
