your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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