If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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