My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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