I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
