apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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