Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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