will power is for people who don't want to get laid
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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