what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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