the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
