Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
