Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
