Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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