So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
