thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize