my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
