Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
