Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
