at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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