Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
