I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
