Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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