I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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