Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
