Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
