She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
