of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
