well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
