Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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