Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
