At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
