Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
