just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
