Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
