"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
