You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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