I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
