I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
