ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
