JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
