it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize