brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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