That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
