Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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