We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
