fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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