True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
