We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
