so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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