TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
