The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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