I think I am morally bankrupt
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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