North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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