hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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