i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
