Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize