i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
