I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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