and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
