the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
