pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think a kid would responsible me up
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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